May 11, 2011

On Losing It, and Gaining It. Weight, Happiness, and Peace: Part III

So what is my point with all of this?

I'm breaking free of restriction.

Do you hear that body? Body?

Tap tap.

I'm breaking free of restri...yes, all of it.

Life is too precious to live with so many restrictions. It doesn't allow for any spontaneity - for 11:00pm phone calls from friends or a day so beautiful that I feel compelled to sunbathe for hours, doing nothing but letting the sun caress me while reading the latest issue of Bon Appetit.

Restriction is what caused me to lose so much weight so quickly, yes, but it also broke me. It made me forget who I was, what I enjoyed and loved, and sent me down a depressing, isolated downward slope.

I'm now at a place where I'm done putting labels on myself and my diet. When I do that now, I feel suffocated and forced into a lifestyle, and that makes me feel uncomfortable.

I'm eating what I want to eat. And putting much less emphasis on food. My life tends to completely revolve around it, but not in the way that I'd like it to.

I want to focus on how sweet the first bite of a summer peach tastes as its juice drips down my chin.

Or how creamy and fresh just a small taste of raw almond butter is, as opposed to multiple spoonfuls in one sitting.

Drinking a cold, refreshing sip of lemon iced tea from a Bonne Maman jam jar on a warm, breezy day.

And the way a tender scallop melts away into my mouth, covering my tongue in a lovely buttery, briny flavor.

Food is something to be appreciated, not abused.

Bodies are things to be appreciated, not abused.

Hey body? Sorry to bother you again, but did you hear that?

No? Let me get a little closer.

Is this close enough? No? Really?

Here, maybe you need a hug.

You will be appreciated, not abused.

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