April 10, 2011

I Wish

I wish I had this whole post-weight loss thing down, but I don't.

The truth is, it's confusing. It's scary. I lost weight, hit a wall and basically had a breakdown, gained some weight and threw wellness out the window, and now I'm trying to do everything the right way.

The truth is, weight loss isn't a magic cure-all. I was no more happy thin than I was obese. In fact, some days I think I'm more unhappy now. In order to be happy, you have to be kind to your mind and your emotions and find happiness within yourself; your body will not make you wholly happy, it's merely one corner of the table.

Now, I'm taking things a day at a time. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow morning and be perfectly happy and fit. It takes time.

It's a journey for a reason, is it not?

I wish I hadn't crushed my toe with a shower door, but I did.

It's throbbing. Send ice.

I wish I could have kept running for miles and miles today, but I couldn't.

I went on my first outdoor run of the year today. I was nervous (what with a crushed toe and all) and partially thought that I'd want to pass out after 5 minutes. Twenty five minutes later, I found myself stretching after a glorious 2 mile run. I wasn't particularly fast or coordinated and my headphone wire may or may not have wrapped around my neck multiple times, but I did it. I ran. I ran and didn't collapse. I almost felt on top of the world.

Then I got a text from my mom. She was watching me from her car as she drove away from my college campus. She said: "You looked good. Like a runner". Folks, that's the push I needed.

I felt on top of the world.

I won't say I'm going to be a runner. I don't know if I'll ever sign up for races or if I'll do it daily. But I'm realizing that, although bringing myself to start running is a pain in the bum, the feeling I have afterward is immeasurable.

I wish the bok choy looked good at the market today, but it looked sad and lifeless.

But I managed to make a quick, inexpensive, and healthy dinner without it.

I'm not usually a stir fry kinda gal, but I had a craving. So I browned a block of tofu and tossed it with carrots, broccoli, snow peas, zucchini, yellow pepper and garlic. I made a sauce with soy, sesame oil, cornstarch and a tiny pinch of sugar.


I'd post a recipe, but honestly, it's stir fry. Toss whatever you have on hand together in a skillet/wok, make a quick sauce, cook some rice and dinner is served.

For now, I'm tired of wishing; it's time to ice my toe.

post signature